F**K EVERYTHING – Jon Lajoie

Sympathique parodie de l’humoriste canadien !

J’étais passé à coté, en espérant que vous aussi 😉

Duh? mais c’est qui ce gars ?

Jon Lajoie, né Jonathan Lajoie, est un humoriste et comédien québécois, né en 1980 à Saint-Hubert, Québec et vivant à Montréal.

Sa récente célébrité au Canada, aux États-Unis et en Allemagne (où il a fait plusieurs tournées) est due à la popularité de plusieurs de ses vidéos sur Internet, telles que les chansons 2 Girls 1 Cup Song ainsi que Everyday Normal Guy qui ont été respectivement visionnées 9 670 300 et 17 488 458 fois chacune en août 2010. Mais son plus grand succès est Show Me Your Genitals dont la vidéo officielle a été vue plus de quarante millions de fois.

Les paroles :

Yo. All the rappers claim to not give a fuck.
Well step aside bitches, cause I give the lowest amount of fuck humanly possible.

What?!

(I don’t a give a fuck…)
About anything, fuck everyone and fuck everything, what
(I don’t give a fuck…)
I literally don’t give a fuck about anything

I don’t give a fuck about motherfuckin’ anything
People care about shit, I say fuck everything
Fuck you, fuck me, fuck the sky, fuck trees, fuck the sun
I don’t need he _____________

And fuck toasters. I don’t need to cook my bread
And fuck coasters. I use a little plate instead
And fuck roosters. With their useless cockadoodledoo
We invented the alarm clocks. We no longer need you

Don’t give a fuck about chairs. I prefer to stand
And fuck air conditioners – I got a ceiling fan
And fuck the the movie the fan, staring westly snipes
Demolition man’s the only snipes moving your light
And fuck liking shit. I don’t even like the stuff that I like
Don’t give a fuck about not liking all the shit I don’t like
Like tissues. Fuck them! I blow my nose on the couch
And fuck my nostrils and my senses now I breathe through my mouth
Don’t give a fuck about seeing bitch, fuck my eyes
Fuck physical perception yo, I rather be blind
Fuck time, seconds are too short and minutes are a joke
And I was awake too long, it should be half an hour at most
And fuck coasts, who gives a fuck about where water meets land
And fuck boats, just because you float you think you’re so fucking bad
And fuck jokes, I don’t need to be funny all the time
My dog has a tumour and he’s probably gonna die, boy

(I don’t a give a fuck…)
About anything, fuck everyone and fuck everything, what
(I don’t give a fuck…)
I literally don’t give a fuck about anything

Walked into a coffee shop and ordered a cup
The girl says « small, medium, large?
I say bitch I don’t give a fuck
She said I can’t process your order if you don’t pick a size
I say fine, I’ll take a large, but I still don’t give a fuck alright
Don’t give a fuck about beverage size options motherfucker
And I don’t give a fuck about liquidsizer
They’re all wet and shit and tend to spill all over the place
Like human semen when I get it all over my face
I’m not gay, I just don’t give a fuck about straight sex
And fuck my dick, I’ll pee and cum out of my mouth instead.
Fuck biological functions, fuck the human body
I prefer the body of a bat with the head of a coyote
I call myself batyodie and I fight crime at night
I know its similar to batman but motherfuck copyright
I plagarise all the time, I do it everyday
Cause I’m on the right track baby, I was born this way

And fuck perth, and anywhere in the world where jason tom is a bitch
Searching for purpose in a random universe sucks dick
Is it deterministic or am I free to choose my way
Did I choose if I give a fuck about ice cube trays
If I wanted ice I’ll go to the fucking corner store and buy a bag
Filling you up and waiting for the water to freeze is a motherfuckin drag
You know what? Fuck the word fuck, I don’t need to use it
I’ll replace it with the word chainsaw for this chorus

(I don’t a give a chainsaw…)
About anything, chainsaw everyone and chainsaw everything, what
(I don’t give a chainsaw…)
I literally don’t give a chainsaw about anything

If there was a contest to see who doesn’t give a fuck the most
I wouldn’t win cause I don’t give a fuck about women yo
I don’t even give a fuck about not giving a fuck,
so I do give a fuck… wait, what

(I give a fuck…)
About everything, I love everyone and care about everything
(I give a fuck…)
I literally care about every motherfuckin thing